Dirty Beaches - True Blue

The archaeologist's assistant suddenly felt not as if he were possessed, but as if he were an evil spirit taking possession of his own body. He felt a desperate urge jump in the biggest lake, with the deepest water.

Inelegantly, and without my consent, time passed.

I feel like most of my life has been spent waiting for things to happen, and then somewhere along the way, I stopped waiting. I started moving on. Suddenly, I was accumulating life lessons like Pokémon cards, not really sure what to do with them, but hoping that they'd prove to be valuable with time. Yet, now more than ever, I find myself wanting to wait again. Theoretically, it doesn't get much better than this stage of my life. This is life in limbo. This is the in-between stage where I've accomplished enough to feel like an adult, but haven't really had to face anything too scary like finding a job with health insurance or raising a child.  It's like thinking of unrequited love as the most romantic kind of love because as long as it stays unfulfilled, nothing can taint it. 

Sometimes, I don't think it'll get better. I think that these are my glory days, and the only things the future holds for me are shitty jobs and student loan debt. Sometimes, I think that things can only get better. I think that I'll find a person with whom I'll want to pass the time, in a place worth exploring. Mostly, I don't think any of that matters. Who I was and who I'll be are neither here nor there. I find myself nostalgic for the present. I am so utterly overwhelmed by the people in my life, by the immense happiness they bring me, that I feel myself losing them as they stand in front of me. I spent my last discussion class eating cookies, drinking almond milk, playing Super Mario World on my Super Nintendo emulator and listening to my TA explore the screen aesthetics of digital technologies, and I thought, 'Well, fuck. It really can't get better than this.' It's like I move on from these moments before they're over only to try to bring them back. I feel like every day is a battle between wanting to move on and wanting to hold on to this feeling forever.

This feeling is fleeting.

1. Little Scream - Your Radio
2. Typhoon - CPR - Claws Part 2
3. Jared Mees & the Grown Children - Shake
4. Saskatchewan - Dreamboat
5. Wise Blood - Hannah Motown
6. Sam Means - Yeah Yeah
7. Mirah - Dancing in the Dark
8. Silent Film Star - The Oceanographer
9. MGMT - I Found a Whistle
10. Sleeping Bag - Slime
11. Smith Westerns - All Die Young